Not Going To Stay Down Today

The spring maiden Lada is the Slavic goddess of love and beauty. She returns from the Underworld at the Vernal Equinox, bringing the lark and the springtime with her. Dressed in a gown of greenery and pregnant with her daughter Lelya, Lada welcomes the birds and restores joy and hope to our souls. Image courtesy of JPC Artworks.

Nor do I demand sacrifice;
For behold, I am the Mother of all living,
And my love is poured out upon the Earth
~Charge of the Goddess-

There are just some days when it is so hard to find the evidence of that love, when it is so hard to find any way to have faith, so hard to believe in a kind and loving Creatrix. I feel this when my soul has been emptied of hope and I am devoid of love. I am sitting on the outside looking in and all I see is descending darkness.

I find that at times like these, the best thing in all of the world is to fall to my knees and surrender: Mother, I am your child, without You I am as nothing. Right now I feel desolate and abandoned. Do with me and to me as You will to suit Your purposes. Take me, engulf me and set me on Your path. I thank You, Goddess for everything in my life.

Next up is the pain in the ass gratitude list, that list that is so hard to write when you are down.

The step after that is to find out how to be of service to my family; what chores need doing, what can I be helpful with.

Make a 12 step meeting, try to do some 12 step service work, helping another who shares the same affliction I do. Call my sponsor. Find someone else in more dire straights than me and help them out. Finally, again, hit my knees and thank Her for seeing me through another day: clean, sober and grateful.

And that is how I find Her love, which is poured out onto the earth like a clean, sweet rain.

Brief Gratitude List - The Things I am Grateful for today:
Goddess in my life
Sober
Wife who loves me
Sponsor who loves me
Dogs and Cats who by all evidence, adore me.
Coven
Jim still alive
Parents still alive and healthy
I have a job
Friends, too many to list.
Financially stable
Home
The sky above, the stars, the sun, the moon.
Squirrels and other critters.
Birds
Mountains, which I am overdue to go visit.
Did I mention, I was sober?

Feeling better already.