Monday, December 20, 2004

Continuing The Struggle With Depression

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  • In many ways battling depression is simply good, old-fashioned energy work. Depression robs you of energy to do anything, filling you with a sort of lassitude. It is easy to spend all day in bed, feeling exhausted even though you have done nothing physically strenuous. As I blogged, this Saturday I lay down for a brief nap and woke up five hours later.

    Yesterday I was depressed and tired. I wanted to nap. Instead I made myself clean my study, organize my papers. I was not a very efficient worker, for much remains to be done. But I did not go to bed and never completely crashed. I had more energy than I did previously.

    I think that for my morning mediation I am going to try the Green Energy meditation. See if I cannot go to work with energy to do the things that need to be done. In a sense the phrase from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that reads "Lack of power was our dilemma" describes the depressive personality very well. But I believe that the final part of the quote from the Big Book also applies as a solution to depression as well as a solution to alcoholism:
    Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
    Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.

    This does not mean that I will turn to prayer and meditation to the exclusion of the world around me. I fully intend to call the psychiatrist I was referred to, to take my medications, go to meetings, go to coven, go to work (although how that will cheer me up remains unclear). Prayer and faith are simply the beginning.

    I must also work with others, carry the message of recovery. That is what Bill W. (co-founder of AA) found to be very effective for himself personally when he battled depression. Last night I contacted the AA corrections program and asked for another prisoner to correspond with. Sharing the message with those behind bars will not only help keep me sober, it will help with the depression as well.

    I will also do a private solstice ritual, one aimed at helping with my depression.

    Happy, joyous and free is the goal; not everyday, not all the time. But I can't stay the way I currently feel and stay sober over the long term.

    Goddess, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank You, Blessed Be!