Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Meditations and Nipples

(c) Andy Ternay
  • The Chisos mountain range in Big Bend National Park

  • I think that it must be easier to get into and stay into a spiritual frame of mind away from big cities, the hustle and the bustle. At least it seems to be the case for me. When I go on vacation, that is what I find.

    I try to meditate every day, but frankly, I suck at meditation. I've tried various methods and I'm not very good at calming my mind. Our guest room is where I usually go, it faces east and I can see the sun rise. Sitting there quietly, I try to empty my mind and invite the Goddess into me for quiet communion. That never happens. I have felt the presence of the Goddess, but not while sitting on that futon.

    Sometimes I have minor success using techniques I have been taught. For example in Phyllis Currott's WitchCrafting, she recommends and details various meditation methods. Some of it involves visualization of objects and things and I have been able to do that with limited success. Another method she recommends that I like is to picture yourself drawing energy through the earth and into yourself. That one I have played with a little. I try to imagine I am exhaling all the stress and turmoil of the day before (I see it as a cloud of black smoke). With each inhalation I am drawing good, clean, fresh green energy from the earth into me. I see it slowly rise through my legs into my hips and stomach, up my torso and spilling into my arms. When I exhale the last of the "black smoke" frome the day before and inhale the last little green bit of energy, I am ready to go.

    Again, it is rare that I am able to this. I am too easily distracted; my wife watching the news on tv, a dog chewing on my hand, etc. But the biggest distraction is my mind. I'll sit there and think

    relax. let it flow. feel the energy . . . wow, its cold. that wind outside is going to sting. i need to remember to check out tits today . . . bet you'll see some stiff nipples right through sweaters and stuff . . . ok, come on Andy. relax. deep breath. slowly in, hold it, slowly out. man, my nose is congested. did I pay the credit card last night? dammit Andy, fucking relax will you? goddamn neighbor's dog barking, can't they see I'm trying to meditate . . . hell, that's my dog barking! and it's only 6:30 am! that's gonna piss off the neighbors! and so on ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

    I'm probably better off if I stay focused on the nipples - at least then I start my day grateful about something. If I focus on these other things, odds are I'll start out by getting angry and that's not how I want to start my day.

    All of this was actually meant to be an essay on how I need to get back to nature, but I seem to have lost track of that . . .

    I am leaving for California today to make a sales presentation. I'm not sure I'll be able to post, but I will do my best. This is a stereotypical business trip, I do not anticipate seeing the sights. The place I am going is right near Oakland, across the bay from San Francisco. If I don't post for a couple of days, don't worry, I will be back on Friday.

    I already miss my wife. This morning we woke up and the dog Zoey and the cat Thelma were curled up together. Poor Zoey has very short fur and she gets very cold. I wish I had gotten the camera, but I was half asleep.

    It is very cold here, about 27F, so I am going to be chilly at the airport. You can't bundle up too much or you cook on the four hour flight. So I am just going to try to stay focused on the nipples!