The Conservative Culture Of Life

New proposed sign for all border entries into the United States.

In an attempt to understand the Conservative "Culture Of Life" our fearless leader babbles on incoherently about, I will be joining the Texas Blogfest at the DFW Shooting Range and learning how guns are an essential part of every free American's existence. Guns form a central part of the protection of Terry Schiavo's life. Guns are an essential learning tool for children. And I will become one with the gun in a truly spiritual sense today.

I have it on good faith that my friends, the conservative bloggers, have taken up a collection to purchase my unborn daughter a Gun Binky. Apparently these are an indispensable toothing aid for red state children. I can just picture baby Anwen, binky in mouth, foot on trigger. Of course she'd be wearing her red, white and blue onesies.

I have no fucking clue why I agreed to go shoot weapons with a bunch of wingnuts. Curiousity, peer pressure, a sense of "well, I'll probably never get a chance to do anything like this again", who knows? All I know is I am deeply regretting my decision and wishing I had opted to stay home, hugging my wife, hands on her tummy to feel the faint stirrings of my beloved daughter.

In some ways, even holding a gun feels like a violation of my religious faith.

Well, I'm off. Wish me better luck with guns this time than the last. The last time I fired a gun, I shot myself in the right hand. I still have no feeling in my right thumb because of this. Jesus. You think I'd learn.