Monday, March 21, 2005

Naked Is The Best Disguise

  • Denita TwoDragons really cool tattoo. Maybe she could have her husband take a photo of it that was completely appropriate and send it to me without bra straps in the way (hint, hint).

  • My tattoo.

  • First of all, I want to extend a special warm welcome to my new guests; not the blogfest crowd, you guys know who you are.

    Let's face it, I have never been normal. Ever. Not now, not then, not sober, not drunk. I am a freak. Been that way all of my life. I have a distinct memory of going to Montessori preschool and just absolutely not fitting in; no friends at all (I bet my conservative friends are going mmmm, Montessori school, that's where he started to go wrong). Well, over the years I have learned how to make friends but I still don't fit in. I'm pretty convinced that I never will and I'm not sure I would want to.

    As a teenager, I learned to drink and drinking gave me a feeling I had never had before: I was comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. No wonder I thought I had discovered the Holy Grail; it was my solution. That solution worked well for about six or seven years before the solution started to cause problems. Over the course of the second six or seven years the solution became the problem; but it took about three or four years of absolute misery before I accepted the truth: alcohol could not solve my problems.

    My problem was that I did not like being Andy. Over the past four years of sobriety, I have had a real challenge: learning to like myself. I am finally getting there. I do like myself, for the most part. This simple, but difficult change, has led to a revolution in my thinking. I am now comfortable as myself.

    In the past I molded myself to fit in. I still do that in many ways. I'm not seeking to do battle; I'm seeking an exchange of ideas. But the difference is that I now have some core principles that guide me, about which I am not flexible. The first of these is that I believe in a kind, loving and creative Goddess; I call Her Brigit but I accept that most of the rest of you have Her name wrong and call Her things like: Allah, Jehovah, Isis, Jesus, and on and on ad infinitum. The second principle about which I am not very flexible is a belief that that Goddess is manifest in the world around us in nature which is why I am an environmentalist. The third is that we make our own reality by our thoughts and actions and we are responsible for the choices we make and the consequences we incur from those choices.

    These three principles are central to my beliefs and they are what make me a Witch, or if you prefer, a Wiccan. It would make my life easier in some ways if I were willing to not be so public about who I am and what I believe. I can't do that anymore. I am Andy and I am an alcoholic, an active practicing Pagan, a child of the Goddess and if you cannot accept me knowing that, well, that is your problem not mine. I'll not pretend to be someone I am not anymore.

    I have some prayer requests, regardless of your faith, if you are willing. My friend Winn lost his father this past Friday, his father was a really neat man, kind and giving. He was Winn's surviving parent. It is very hard for him; prayers and energy for Winn would be very welcome. Much less important, but still important to me is my cat Smokey. We will have to put him down Saturday. The steroids helped, but they are wearing off and he is no better, in fact, he is worse.

    If Heavan, Paradise, Summerland, whatever, does not take pets; I don't want to go.

    Zombie Survivor Test Results (thanks Denita & Eric):

    Official Survivor

    Congratulations! You scored 70%!
    Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

    My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender

    You scored higher than 97%
    on survivalpoints

    Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid