AS OF 9/22/05 THIS BLOG WILL NO LONGER BE ACTIVE. YOU CAN VISIT ANDY'S NEW BLOG AT THE KILTED LIBERAL

Friday, February 11, 2005

Bleach

  • Busted! My wife catches me in bed with another woman! This one's a sly little seductress named Thelma. I picked her up, working the streets in a trashy part of Fort Worth. Ladies, Thelma is my witness: I can make a pussy purr with a stroke of my hand. However, I will admit: I have never even tried to get this pussy wet. I value my life.

  • I am bleaching my teeth in preparation for the replacement of my veneers. This is turning out to be much, much more painful than I had imagined. My teeth are visibly whiter already. But Goddess, my gums and tongue are just chemically burnt. I think I will be eating a lot of oatmeal between now and next Wednesday.

    That's all. It hurts too much to think.
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