Time

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I wanted to thank everyone who wrote such kind words, I have really appreciated them, they mean a lot to me.

I am coming to appreciate the fact that I can always replace lost money, damaged things, even to some extent missed opportunities but I cannot replace lost time. Maybe it really is all perception but those long Saturday afternoons of doing nothing sure seem to be gone.

One of the reasons I get frustrated is because I racked up all this credit debt. It keeps me chained to a job I don't enjoy: I don't feel financially secure enough to leave. I wonder if having a child will enhance that fear. All that debt equals a massive amount of time devoted to paying off that debt. Think about it that way and it seems especially wasteful.

Every hour spent at work is an hour away from my wife, my friends and to a certain extent, the Goddess. It may be time to rethink how I go about earning a living.

Today I finally see the psychiatrist. We'll get to work on my medications. I need to be able to face life without this depression, although as I noted, after step two it got better. I have a sense that this easing of my depression is spiritual in nature and external in source because even in my profound sorrow I find that I am not nearly as depressed as I was before working step two. If you doubt it, read some blog entries from two weeks ago and contrast them with what I wrote this week. Even sitting in a hospital watching a friend slip away could not crush my spirits. There is a kind of magic in a Twelve Step program.

Step Two reads: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Powerful magic indeed: I was sober at a friend's bedside rather than either drunk or awash in self-pity. I know I could not have done that on my own resources. I just don't have that kind of maturity and self-will. But I did not have to rely on myself. I can rely on a Power greater than myself.

My tasks in the coming days are to continue to work the steps to the best of my ability and to try to simplify my life.

For you, Dear Readers and those who prayed for or though of me, I can only wish the following:

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May the Goddess hold you in the palm of Her hand.

Blessed Be!