Saturday, November 20, 2004

Responsibility To Others

(c) Andy Ternay
  • Beautiful simplicity: Jim's rock altar.
  • I have a deep sense; almost an instinctive feeling that we are all in this together. I cannot tell you where this feeling originates; it seems to be bigger than me and come from beyond me. In my mind this sense of being a part of is one of those emotions that is tied in with the parts of me that I consider to be most noble, idealistic, optomistic and worthwhile.

    If we are all in this together, then it seems to me that my primary job, right up there with being a good husband and eating, sleeping and breathing, is to be of service to my fellow man. That when I see others struggling, I need to reach out a hand to help. This is something that AA teaches, encourages and frankly says that without helping others, you will drink again.

    But I did not learn this in AA, nor did my parents teach me this (although both are part of where this comes from).

    This looks great on paper. In practice, I pretty much suck. When my friend, Matt was unemployed, I did not know what to say or do to help him feel better. I felt very helpless to help him and as a result I did not spend much time with him although he lived close to me. I regret this deeply. Even if I felt awkward, I should have spent time with him, let him know I thought about him. When he moved, I helped and I was glad to do so because I finally felt like here was something I could do that would be helpful and useful to him.

    When my mother had breast cancer I pretty much avoided her. Of course, she's pretty much a complete bitch, so maybe I should not feel too badly about that. Now that my friend Jim has cancer, I want to spend time with him, but again, in practice I fall down on the job. I don't call or email him on my own to see how he is. And it is not that I don't love him, I really do.

    I'm sorry. I just got a call that our Prius may be in. I'll be back when I can . . .

    Goddess, thank You for my sobriety, my family, my friends. I am grateful, even if I sometimes act like a complete chump and don't show it. Blessed Be.