Friday, September 03, 2004

Deeper Relationships

(c) Andy Ternay
  • Pond plant in bloom

  • I’ve always had difficulty getting really close to people, but never had problems making friends with people. That sounds and looks like a contradiction, but really it isn’t. All I am saying is that the initial stages of making friends with someone is easy to me. I seem to be a pretty likeable person. But once I have formed that friendship I find it easy to drift out of it. I am actually not comfortable with how easily I let friends disappear.

    I think that I have a great ability to develop superficial human connections but have tremendous difficulty developing deep and lasting ties to people. This would include some of my best friends and my wife. I actually get very uncomfortable talking about this and get a little cagey when I think about it. It is true though. When I moved to Colorado, I just let all of my Texas friendships fade. When I moved back to Texas I did the same with my Colorado friends.

    For most of those friendships this does not bother me. Those friendships are work friendships that never extended outside of work, casual acquaintances that I have made. Neither I nor they put much effort into developing these friendships, they were simply convenient to who and where we were. That’s okay, that is how life is.

    The long-term friends who have taken the trouble to develop a more intimate, closer friendship are the ones who trouble me. I don’t think I am very good at making the effort to stay in touch and build the relationship. I believe that this is a problem I have with all the close relationships that I have and I believe that this is something that I am trying to address in AA. I want to learn how to be a good friend and a good husband.

    Really, what is involved is that I have to learn to extend myself to my friends. I have to be the one to make contact and follow through. I have to work to stay in touch with people. Just like anything that is worthwhile, I must put the effort into it.

    As with a relationship with the Goddess, willingness is the key. I have to start with a willingness to be a part of a relationship.

    We’ll see how it goes.

    Goddess Brigit, I’m doin’ okay today. The folks in Florida ain’t, so if You need to take Your eyes off me and look at Frances, feel free to do so. I will endeavor to walk the path You have set me on to the best of my ability today and I believe that You will keep me sober. Please keep an eye on Linda as well as she recovers from her surgery.

    Blessed Be.