Saturday, August 28, 2004

I Hate Thieves

Funny I should say that . . . I am a thief. That is actually a significant part of my AA amends-paying back the employers I have stolen from. I have a $3,121.00 left to go. That includes the $1,100 I still owe my parents for what I stole from them. Every week I set money aside towards my amends. It sucks, but hey, if I had not stolen then I would not have to do this. I'm just going to keep on going, paying it back as best I can. At the rate I am going, that will take three more years, give or take.

However, tonight I am angry at a thief other than myself. Our first Kerry/Edwards yard sign was stolen right as I was watching a movie in the living room with my wife. I am furious.

I have these crazy ideas about what to do. Here are some of the nastier ones I came up with:

*Lie in wait for the fucker with my throwing axe and sword. Hurt him good.

*Use the dremel tool to cut narrow but deep groves in the wooden post of the next sign. Mount razor blades in the grooves. When the grab the sign to pull it up . . . ouchie!

*bucket full of pond rocks in tree above sign with wire from sign to eyehole screw mounted in trunk, then wire goes up to the bucket. Pull the sign and down come the nice, fist sized rocks on your head.

*bury a piece of wood with 2" long narrow black nails through it right in front of the sign.

See? Aren't you glad that I am in AA and seeing a counselor? Me? Anger issues? What are you talking about?

Actually, I'm not alone in wanting revenge. There is an interesting study out recently about how the desire for revenge actually stimulates pleasure centers in the brain.

Here is what Lisa and I have settled on doing instead: I am going to take the next sign and put it in a bucket of concrete and let it sit overnight. When it has cured, I will dig a hole and plant it in the front yard.

If they steal that, then I will ask my sponsor what kind of amends I will owe if I do the razor blade trick.