This is where the process starts - a blank page.

Lately I have kind of been down on this blog. It's not been fun to write and I feel like it essentially goes unread. There are a handful of folks who read it, some check in more often than others. But overall, it has felt like a failure to me because I have not seen or experienced any great increase in readers. The temptation was to quit blogging and delete the whole damn thing from cyberspace. Blogger will let you do that, you know.

I told my counselor about that and she challenged me with the question why do you blog? Is it to get the approval of others? Is it for self-exploration? Why do it?

I don't know why I do it. In part it has to be because I am not writing. All of my life my head has been filled with bits of novels, screenplays, comic books, etc. Sometimes it feels like I will explode. So, no matter what vow I swear not to do it, sooner or later I am writing again.

Fiction is my enemy. I can never get the words down in such a way that they make sense to me. I can't type fast enough to capture the ideas, so often I will be typing the beginning, thinking of the ending and forgetting what the middle was supposed to be. The more I have tried to write fiction, the more frustrated I become and then I get angry and then I quit. I think everything I have ever written fictionwise is just stupid. No, really, I do. It is boring, vapid, stupid garbage.

The ideas aren't even original anyway.

I'm really not sure where I am going with this so I am going to stop here. Brief thank you's to Rebecca and Omni.