Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Big Dental Day

  • Dawn of the Dentist

  • Today they will attempt to start fixing my fucked up teeth.

    I will go into the dentist and after cleaning, they will pull the almost twenty year old veneers off of my teeth and replace them with temporary veneers. In a couple of weeks, I go in again and they put my new permanant veneers on. As a part of this process, I have spent the last week bleaching my teeth with 22% peroxide bleach to whiten them. This is very, very painful to do and I am very glad that today will probably be the last of it. You try soaking your mouth in bleach for a week and let me know how that feels.

    My part of the payment for all of this is about $1,600. I strongly feel that for $1,600 bucks the blonde dental assistant should be topless throughout the procedure to help distract me from the pain. She won't be though. I think everyone in this office is born again X-stian.

    It is my belief that many of of my sexual difficulties with women originated at the dentist/orthodontist's office (the rest came from attending an all boy's catholic school). See, back in junior high, I had braces. My orthodontist employed what seemed like a million dental assistants or whatever the correct title is.

    Every single one of them was stunningly beautiful. Every single one. It was like being in a room filled with supermodels. All of them had nice round asses and huge breasts. All of them dressed in little white medical/lab coat things that were way too tight and cut very low in front. I never once saw a hint of a blouse or bra under those medical/lab things, and believe me, as a fourteen year old boy, I was checking.

    Anyway, there I was, in their arms, my face crushed against a large breast as they sweetly encouraged me to open wider. With those supersexy ruby red lips they'd all say the same thing: This won't hurt at all.

    I fell for it every time, and believed them.

    Immediately they would do something violently horrible to my mouth causing pain to shoot from my foot to my scalp. All the while they would be smiling so sweetly and rubbing my face against their breasts.

    No wonder I am so screwed up about chicks.

    You can see our baby registry here.

    Prayers for my coworker Teresa. Her mom is in the hospital and not doing well.

    Good Morning Goddess Brigit, my name is Andy and I am an alcoholic. I have been kept sober since Imbolc of 2001 by Your grace and Your grace alone. I'd like to take this moment to thank You, my Higher Power, for this daily reprieve. Today is a good day to be sober.

    Please be with me today, all through the day and help me stay sober all day long. Show me Your will for me and grant me the power to carry that out. Thy will, not mine be done. Be welcome in me and to me; body, heart, mind and soul. Thank You, Blessed Be.