Thursday, February 17, 2005


  • I wonder if the gates to the Otherworld won't be like this-simple, plain, funtional and beautiful. Image courtesy of

  • Lately I have had occassion to ponder death. Yesterday my coworker Teresa lost her mother to, I believe, congestive heart failure. This was a sudden, unexpected turn and Teresa was emotionally blindsided by it. I had no idea what to say or do, so I went with my gut and told her that I had no idea what to say or do, but that I was sorry and that I would be praying and thinking of her and her family.

    Blunt honesty works at times like this. She could see that I was sincere.

    I will tell you now that not a day has gone by since Jim has died that I have not thought of him. He was a dear friend, but he was not a parent. I really can't imagine that level of grief yet, nor do I really want to. I watched my Sponsor from the 12 step program I work lose her mother a few years ago. I have come to appreciate that she is not "over" the loss of her mother, nor will she ever be. When I lose my mother, I expect that I will feel the same.

    At the same time, I am becoming more and more convinced that there is an afterlife of some kind. I have no idea what or how or any of that. I imagine that I will be wonderfully surprised by it; in fact I suspect that all of us will be. Our Creator is more subtle, powerful and loving than we ever might have guessed. From where we are, I think we only get an oblique view of that love and when I have felt it, it overwhelms me. It is so real when I feel it and so elusive to describe when I don't that I doubt it was even real.

    Of course, then I realize that I am sober-then I know for sure it is real.

    I can physically observe the great circle of life today. Teresa's mother is gone. My daughter is coming. If things go as they should, my daughter will see her children enter the world, and then she will see me go.

    Many Witches/Wiccans believe in reincarnation. I don't. It's not that I don't believe, it's just that I am not sure. There was a time in my life where I thought this world is Hell and reincarnation would be a torment and I hated life and everything in it. Now, I kinda am hoping there is something different and new after this life, but if I had to come back, well, that is not so bad either. Next time I will try to laugh more and hug more. I'll try to be kinder and less selfish.

    There is still plenty of time in this life to practice the above.

    May your God hold you in the palm of His hand Teresa. I know that your Christ was there to meet your mother, I believe that. May you meet her again in the fullness of time. I can't say this at work because it is inappropriate, but I do love you as a friend and a coworker (even when you frustrate me).

    God is big enough for all of us.

    I will tell you guys more baby news soon, more about my teeth (the dental assistants were fully clothed, damn it!) and other stuff soon. This was important for now. Thank you for your comments, they tend to touch me very deeply.