Photoblog: Birthdays and Babies

Yesterday my friends Jewel and Kristi stopped by. Jewel had brought her daughters, Olivia and KK. This is Olivia holding Evelyn, Kristi's newborn daughter.

Kristi let me hold Evelyn for a few minutes. I think that as an expectant father I am undergoing a mental transformation that is taking place at the level of instinct rather than consciousness. I have never held a live baby for more than a minute or two in my entire thirty six years of life. I have never wanted to hold a baby. Yesterday, I found that I could not wait to hold Evelyn and that her crying did not bother me. It was hard to let go of Evelyn and hand her back to her mother. Odd to feel and experience these transformations of attitude and consciousness. Thank you Kristi!!

This is my four year chip. I got it on Friday. My sponsor, N. gave it to me; her introduction almost made me cry. Laura, my wife was there and I was so grateful for that. Today is my physical, thirty-sixth birthday.

This is my desire chip. When you enter the 12 step program I am in, they give you one of these-it is a symbol of a desire to stay sober for one twenty four hour period. The reason this chip is all battered and torn up is because I left it at my grandparent's gravesite as a kind of amends. Three months later I was back at the cemetery and there it was: right at the gravesite, all beaten up. Obviously it had been through a lawnmover or two. How did it get right back where it started? I took that as a sign that my grandparents wanted me to keep it and I treasure this chip.

My multicolored collection of AA chips, 24 hours, one month, two months, three months, six months, nine months, and then each annual birthday. Thank You, Great Mother, for keeping me sober for the past four years and twenty-five days.