Birthday Night

Yesterday we had the carpets cleaned: $161.92. Today we wake up and surprise! Smokey has thrown up all over them. Would anyone like a cat? We will ship him anywhere, and we pay the shipping. Comes complete with two months of flea medications and a coupon for cat litter.

Tonight is birthday night at the 12 step group I attend. I will be having N., my sponsor, give me my chip. Last year I did not attend a birthday night and N. simply gave me a three year chip at her house. It was actually very touching because she and her daughter sang Happy Birthday to me. Though it was touching, it did not feel right.

The reason I did not get my birthday chip in front of the 12 step group I attend was because I did not feel as though I belonged there. Now, a year later, I will get my chip there, and still feel like I don't belong. I'll be expected to make a few remarks and I know I will just be blank and panicking when the time comes.

Hell, it's not like I can have a drink or two and get my courage up. I'll just have to do it with my knees knocking and my stomach trembling. Oh well.

The funny thing is, Saturday is my actual birthday (February 2nd is my sobriety anniversary). I will be thirty-six years old. So I celebrate my birthday the day before my birthday. Odd how that works.