Telling My Parents

Rocky Mountain Park in the evening.

So, the question of the day is, do I tell my parents that Lisa is pregnant?

I think that this is a lose-lose scenario for me and I am starting to suspect that this very situation may be one of the reasons I was so hesitant to start trying to have a child.

It is not as though they try to keep in touch with me. I don’t think that they have once originated a phone call to me in three and three-quarters years of sobriety. If I don’t call them, the child could be ten before they ever find out.

So, here is what I am seeing:

Scenario one: all of a sudden they take an interest in my life and my marriage. Pretending nothing was ever wrong in the relationship between me and them and them and Lisa they become a part of our lives. The plus side to this is that my child will have a relationship to her/his grandparents. The down side is the torture of feeling that I was not good enough for them, that I had to have someone better (their grandchild) for them to give a damn what happened to me.

Scenario two: they ignore Lisa and try to reenter my life and become active grandparents. This would actually be less acceptable than the above. Lisa is the love of my life and my partner. She is the mother to be of our child (Goddess willing and all goes well). Sorry, the price of admission to my family is that you must treat all members of the family with respect.

Scenario three: they essentially say, “that’s nice”, end the conversation and make no effort to stay in touch or check on the child. This would hurt tremendously.

Some things for me to keep in mind are that my child is not responsible for healing the relationship between myself and my parents or Lisa and my parents. The goal here is that she/he have a decent relationship with her/his grandparents (suddenly I am understanding why sonograms to determine gender are so popular—it would definitely make for more streamlined writing).

I also have to remember that as shitty as I feel I am being treated by my parents, my side of the street (in AA parlance) is not yet clean. I was not exactly the best son ever. I stole from them and doubtless caused a lot of emotional pain to them.

Now, with that said, they have treated my wife like dirt. They say she did the same. I don’t care actually. I feel that out of love and respect for me, they can at least treat each other with icy politeness. As my sponsor, Nici would say, what they feel is none of my business.

Is this relationship, between myself and my parents; between Lisa and my parents—is this where my child will learn what hatred and malice is? I hope not.

There is a small part of me that wants to call my parents up and say, hey guys, I never was much of a son to you anyway. Why don’t you cut me out of your will and we’ll just pretend you never adopted me. If they say yes (and really, with how little involvement they have in my life it would be silly for them to object, although they might) then my child grows up with one set of grandparents.

It really is a lose-lose scenario.

At times like these, I like to turn to music for comfort and soothing words:

Ghouls attack the church, crush the holy priest, useless bringers of life . . .

I feel better already!

Actually the only way for this not to be a lose-lose scenario is if the Goddess steps into the situation. She is the only One with healing power enough to fix the situation. I am willing that She do so, I hope others are willing as well.

Good Morning Goddess Brigit, my name is Andy and I am an alcoholic. I have been kept sober three and three quarters years by Your grace and Your grace alone. I’d like to take this moment to thank You, my Higher Power, for this daily reprieve. Today is a good day to be sober.

Please, Goddess, be with me today, all through the day and help me stay sober all day long. Show me Your will form me and grant me the power to carry that out. Thy will, not mine, be done. Be welcome in me and to me; body, heart, mind and soul. Thank You, Blessed Be.