Friday, October 01, 2004

At Last The Meaning Of The Countdown

(c) Andy Ternay
  • A sacred moon to honor the Mother of us all.

  • Here is my news: Lisa is pregnant.  Barring unforeseen circumstances, I will be a father.

    Important note: Lisa has not told her parents. I have not told mine. No telling, please!

    My initial reaction to this is twofold.

    First, I want to go buy a real kilt.  Second, I'm really frightened.

    A little bit contradictory, it must seem.  However, these impulses make perfect sense to me.

    I like to soothe myself when something upsetting happens (like a pregnancy for instance).  My tried and true ways to reward and soothe myself are extremely simple.  I drink and I smoke.  I no longer do those things.  So, instead, I buy things to make myself feel better.  That is why I own a sword that costs roughly the same as a cheap used car.  That is why my wife and I are just emerging from under massive credit debt.  And that is why I intend to buy a proper kilt.

    It seems obvious to me that there is no way I can push a stroller around without a good kilt.  Also, the odds of me being able to afford a kilt after the kid is born are zero, right?  So, I might as well do it now. 

    How is that for rationalization? 

    How did this happen?  Lisa was taken off of the pill, I think because of high blood pressure concerns.  She was told that if she wanted kids, she had better think about them now because a variety of factors convinced the doctor that her fertility might be declining (nothing unusual really). All normal factors and considerations.

    We have been discussing having children for a while.  I think we had decided to hold off until we were out of credit card debt (about a year we thought) and then we would try.  In the meantime, we got frisky.  Once.  At the safest time of Lisa's cycle.

    You know that old joke?  What do you call people practicing the rhythm method?  Parents.

    The timing is actually pretty good.  We are on our way out of debt (although that child and the kilt will slow us down).  Two years ago, I was incontrovertibly opposed to having children.  Two months ago I was ambivalent.  Now I am frightened but mildly positive.  I think the Goddess snuck this in while I was receptive to it.  She's clever that way you know . . .

    Many of my fears are pure selfishness.  Will Lisa and I ever be able to afford to go to Europe?  How about our long-term plans to get off grid, how can we ever afford solar and energy efficient housing?  What about our time alone together?  What about WitchStock next year?  What do I do if s/he cries in public and embarrasses me?

    One day at a time Andy, one day at a time.

    I am looking forward to being a dad. I want to read bedtime stories " . . . and the bad republicans were all kicked out of office and sent to jail and everyone else lived happily ever after." I'd like to teach my child about my religious faith. I'm already falling in love with this child (yes, to me it is a child, and yes, I am still adamantly Pro-Choice).

    I'm also falling more deeply in love with my wife than I ever thought possible.

    Great Lady, I am humbled before You. I thank You.