Step Three: Made a Decision

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To see my other stepwork online visit Index of Stepwork.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Or as I practice it: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Goddess as I understood Her.

In some ways step one and step two really do not require any action other than thought. Admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable requires no action, nor does coming to believe.

However, I argue that these are action steps and they were for me. My sponsors both had me doing intensive readings in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Both also had me do some writing on each step. That is not specified as being necessary in the Big Book, but I think both of them realized that I had better be kept occupied with something and as a consequence gave me some homework to do. Since I’m still sober, I am not complaining.

The funny thing is that step three is what I often hear other AA members call the first action step—and for me it was the first step where I did not actually take any action.

All I did was make a decision to work the rest of the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my ability.

I did not understand that that was what I had done. The problem was I kept misreading the step. What I was seeing was “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.” I had these visions of what that meant—being a missionary, being called to some ministry, something like that. But the step does not read that way.

It starts with the words “made a decision.” Now the question is, what are we being asked to decide? “to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.” Great. That makes no sense to me until I break it down. My will is what I want, my wishes and my desires, my thoughts. My life is made up of the actions I take. So what I am doing is turning my thoughts and actions over to the care of God.

The only way I know of (and I am sure there are many, many other ways of doing this, this is just they way I know) to turn my thoughts and actions over to the care of God is to work the remaining steps. To try this way of living, as best I can.

In step two I found a Higher Power that I could work with and relate to. That Higher Power is the Divine; which I conceive of and envision as the Celtic Irish Goddess Brigit. It is perfectly all right for me to envision the Divine that way. After all, the step tells me “Goddess, as you understand Her. I don’t have to pay any attention at all to any other concept of Deity. Mine is good enough.

Step three in the Big Book concludes with these three paragraphs which I have adapted to my spiritual path:

This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, the Goddess was going to be our Director. She is the Principal; we are Her agents. She is the Mother, and we are Her children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, She provided what we needed, if we kept close to Her and performed Her work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of Her presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we Understood Her: "Goddess, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Her.

That is one of the best prayers I have ever encountered, although in all fairness, I have not encountered many. Hidden in the above is a promise which I have long felt to be the best of the promises that come true when you work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. That is: as we became conscious of Her presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.

In my life that means that if I do my best to live by Her will then I can live without being crippled by fear. If I am not crippled by fear I can do anything I choose. I have found that the things I choose to do when I am free of fear are all within Her will. It is when I am afraid that I act in anger. I become selfish when I am afraid.

In practice I am not so perfect. If I was completely free of fear I would quit my job now and enroll in a comparative religions program at some university, confident that upon graduation I would have a career as a spiritual writer ahead of me. I’m not there yet. But I am much freer than I was three and a half years ago. I am even freer than I was yesterday.

She works in mysterious ways.