Friday, August 20, 2004

Step Two : Came to Believe

To see my other stepwork online visit Index of Stepwork.

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I have not felt like I have been in touch with the Goddess Brigit recently. I don’t know what it is, or why that is, but it is true. So I am hoping that working the steps will help me out of this funk.

Goddess Brigit, please be with me as I work this program, guide me that what I do may be of use to others. Thank You.

Seems silly to write that, but it seems inappropriate to try to work the steps without inviting Her into it.

I talked about my first experiences with step two via my first sponsor and related how I slowly became comfortable with the idea of prayer.

It was extremely uncomfortable telling my first sponsor about my discovery of Wicca as a religion and the Goddess as a Higher Power. He was a crusty old cigar smoking drunk and to be honest, I thought he would laugh at me. That was my fear; that he would laugh at me.

Well, I finally told him. He listened to me carefully, lit a big cigar and stared thoughtfully at the table as I spoke. When I finished he looked right at me and said. “That’s good.” All those fears of him judging me, all those knots in my stomach were groundless. My sponsor simply enjoyed knowing that I found a Higher Power.

To this day I have never had an AA member knock my choice of faith to my face. As I have said, I tend to keep my religion out of AA except in the very, very rare cases where it is pertinent to the topic or when I am telling my story. When AA members hear about my faith I can see some cringe, others look down, etc. Nobody says anything to my face about it though.

None of those issues exist with my current sponsor though. Having met Nici at a community center for alternative spiritualities, I know that my concept of a Higher Power is fine with her. Nici suggested that I fire my old concept of god, the hateful, intolerant god of punishment and wrath. She sensed that this concept of god still poisoned my spirituality. I wrote a short business memo complete with Goddess imagery telling my old god that he needed to pack up and get out of my head. I actually thought the memo was stupid, but it really delighted Nici. She laughed and posted it on the wall of her study, and there it is today.

Nici does not know this, but I think it was her honest delight with my childish little memo that brought about the magic to make it work. Since that time, I have not really had to trouble myself with thoughts of the angry god much at all.

I am also fortunate to have Bill W. as a guide. Early in sobriety I did not appreciate the chapter We Agnostics in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. In retrospect, I think that was because I was a little too close to the subject matter. Now I see that chapter as where I started to get a sense of the possibility of a Higher Power.

Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

Now that is a promise—all inclusive, never exclusive, open to all. That quote is probably the closest thing to a religious dogma I have adopted. That’s the way it is, it is not up for discussion and that is that.

And what do I need to enter the Realm of Spirit? Just willingness and an open mind. That’s all.
This program is amazing. It takes such simple things, tells you how to put them together and the result is a new, better life.

I haven't written much on the "restore me to sanity." part of the step. I guess I acknowledged that I was not sane in step one, and the rest of the steps are the restoration of sanity.

Blessings to all.