Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Kilt Sex

  • All the lasses go a wee bit daft o'er man in a kilt!
  • Somebody found my blog by using the terms kilt sex. I feel fulfilled. It hardly matters if it is a gay man or a straight woman. Somebody went looking for kilt sex and found me. How does blogging get better than that?

    Kilt Joke #1
    You do know what you call a man in a kilt that ends above his knees? Shorty.
    What about a man with a kilt below the knees? Braggart.
    And a kilt to the ankles? Liar.
    Please note my kilts go right to the knees; you may call me Andy.

    Kilt Joke #2: Historical Kilt Joke
    Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he reaches the battlefield, suddenly on the crest of hill there appears a solitary figure, a little stocky ginger-haired guy in a kilt.

    "Hammer of the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English bastards, and I'll give ye hammer!"

    Edward turns to his commander and says, "Take 20 men and deal with that Scottish upstart!"

    The commander send 20 men over the hill to kill the Scot.

    Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ye English bastards!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ya!!"

    Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. "Take 100 men and kill that little guttersnipe!"

    The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job. Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill again, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a bit torn. "Ye English Scum!" he yells.
    "I'm just warming up!!!! Come and Get me!!!"

    Edward loses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally Wipe Him Off The Face Of The Earth!" he yells.

    The commander gulps, but leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill. Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing all torn, his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru, and yells, "Is that the best ye can do??? You're Bloody Wimps!!!! Come on, come and have a go ya bunch of asses!!!"

    Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands.

    The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate. Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn.

    "Your Majesty!!!" he yells "It's a trap!! There's two of them."
    Taken from Electric Scotland

    Answers to the Question: What's Under The Kilt?
  • My Scottish pride.
  • My shoes and socks.
  • Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order.
  • How warm are your hands?
  • Play your cards right and you can find out.
  • Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask. She was right, God bless 'er.
  • To another man: Same as you, only bigger.
  • To another man: Your wife's lipstick.
  • To a woman: If I'm lucky, your lipstick.
  • Lipstick--two shades on a good day!
  • Socks, shoes and a wee bit of talcum powder.
  • Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow?
  • By a man: String -- I had to tie it up so it didn't hang below the kilt.
  • How badly do you want to know?
  • To a lady at church: What God graced me with.
  • Gi'e us your hand lassie, I'm a mon o' few wurds

    Of course, all joking aside, it is rather interesting that Anwen was concieved after I started to wear the kilt. Speaking of which, here is a picture of that beautiful young lady. I wish you all a blessed day.
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