United States Representative Sam Johnson (R-asshole)

Representative Johnson, is unfortunately my Representative. I'm sure there are bigger jackasses in the House of Representatives, but I have not heard of them.

It was reported in the February 28th issue of Roll Call magazine. that he told President Bush that:

Syria is the problem. Syria is where those weapons of mass destruction are, in my view. You know, I can fly an F-15, put two nukes on 'em and I'll make one pass. We won't have to worry about Syria anymore.

Since Representative Johnson made this statement about two months ago, I have intended to blog on it, to really say what I felt about it. It turns out that I am speechless. There is nothing I can add.

So I turned my attention away from the statement itself to the man who said it, and I discovered what the cause of such breathtaking stupidity was. It turns out that Representative Sam Johnson actually died some years ago and since then he has been impersonated in office by a Right Wing Zombie, animating his corpse in an unholy simulation of life. I submit the photo above from the official congressional website as evidence.

Who will save us from the curse of the Right Wing Zombie Cult? Is there no superhero out there to help us?