Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Broad Spirituality and a Google Search for a God

Good, today I get to leave behind what I do not like—organized, rigid religion--and focus on what I do like—open and broad spirituality.

“(T)he Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.” The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 46.

So, the place where I learned that God existed tells me that I can expect that the realm of the spirit will include not just those of my faith, but also those of all faiths. Indeed, I may expect to find even those of no faith. This is something I can believe in, a place where all are welcomed. It is a shame that I am sure my conduct as a lousy human being, and an active alcoholic will prevent me from being allowed into the this realm of the spirit. What does the sentence right before the one I quoted above say?

“We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.” The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 46.

So, a kind and loving God, a God who is non-judgmental, a God who accepts his children as his children even if they are flawed, damaged, imperfect and even hateful. This is a God of compassion. Surely though, I must be willing to convert and accept the tenets and beliefs about this new God—essentially join this new faith and lose what little I thought I knew of God. But wait:

“(W)e did not need to consider another's conception of God.Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him." The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 46.

This is too good to be true. My own concept of God, who will not harshly judge—in fact will love me and aid me—and a place where I can go and be spiritually safe, no matter what I believe. There must be a catch and there is.

To get there, you have to work. It is hard, hard work and it is not fast enough for me. The really funny thing is they tricked me. Throughout most of the hard work I did not care about God, not at all. As a matter of fact, my attitude was pretty much, fuck this God shit, I just want to stop drinking. I went along with the stupid God stuff because I was told to. Just do the best you can with the God stuff, and keep coming back.

It turns out that really, stopping the drinking is the tiniest part of this program and pretty much all the rest is God stuff. I was lucky, nobody stopped to explain that to me because had I really grasped that, I might not have stayed.

Once I started on the God stuff, then I was set, I just did not know it.

The big question is where do I find God? The The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 55 says "deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God." However, I did not look inside myself first.

When I went hunting for God, I tried what had always worked before: Google. I did not know this, but it turns out that Google is a pretty decent deity search engine.