Saturday, June 18, 2005

State of my Sobriety

  • The tattoo they had best not screw up with surgery!

  • Truthfully, it is not as good as I would like. I have not been to a meeting in over a month, probably coming up on two. Much of that is the baby. Some of that is me. Right now my 12 step program pretty much exists in that I talk to my sponsor frequently, I read the blogs of other alcoholics/addicts, listen to 12 step CD's and correspond with a prison inmate who is in the program. I need meetings.

    Normally I go to noon meetings during the week. There is a nice noon meeting about five minutes from where I work and normally I go there. However, lately I have been going to and from my doctors, Laura's doctors and Anwen's doctors several times a week. Only recently has Laura been able to drive; they restricted her from driving because of the c-section. Even so, I don't want her driving long distances just yet. I had just about reached a point of, well, my coworkers understand. Rather than being perfect making up the missed work time by working through lunch, I will go to a meeting.

    That is when one of my coworkers complained that I was getting special treatment and missing a ton of work for Dr. appointments. She stated that nobody else was missing that much, including my coworker who had a baby three months before I did. Well, duh, his wife delivered vaginally. His wife could drive.

    But suddenly I was very glad I had skipped so many lunches. I simply explained to my superior how I was missing lunches to make up for the missed hours and he said, that's fine. You take care of your wife and the kid.

    Can you see why I feel a sense of loyalty to my immediate supervisor without feeling a sense of loyalty to the company?

    Anyway, I figured the whole Dr. thing was over and that I would be able to return to my routine. Except for one thing. My shoulder and left arm which has bothered me for about eight weeks now. I blogged about it on a couple of occasions, but stopped because who wants to read endless bitching? Suffice it to say here are the steps I have taken to deal with this pain:
  • Two visits to my friend Jewel the massage therapist (prayers for her again, she got in another car wreck)
  • One visit to Kristi, another massage therapist friend
  • One visit to a Chiropractor near me; I was not impressed and did not return to him
  • Six visits to a Chiropractor recommended by a co-worker
  • One visit to a doc-in-the-box clinic where they gave me Vicodin, Skelaxin and Nabutol (sp?)
  • One visit to Orthopedist who perscribed steriods which did not help.
  • Once visit to another Orthopedist-this one I like and will stick with

    So I have not been ignoring this and hoping blindly that it will improve. I have been taking action. Meantime my sponsor, my therapist and my psychiatrist have been concerned with the Vicodin and Skelaxin with regard to my sobriety. I wonder how they will react to the news that I'm back on Vicodin and rather than giving me baby Skelaxin the new orthopedist perscribed Flexeril (which is much more potent instead). This was after I told him I had serious addiction issues. His response: Well, I won't give you refills, but your pain is real and not getting better. You can't function in agony. So, we do the pain meds and move quickly into a course of treatment to stop the pain. That makes sense to me.

    What is the course of treatment? On Monday I go in for an MRI. On Wednesday I see the Orthopedist again. The best outcome for me would involve months of physical therapy. The most likely outcome involves shoulder/neck surgery. They had better not fuck up the tattoo!! So at least another week without meetings. Goddamnit.

    Why don't I simply go to an evening meeting? I may well have to start, but the reason I have not is simple and selfish. Evenings are my time with my baby and my wife. I am really reluctant to give even an hour of that up.

    Maybe I need to look at doing online meetings? Any suggestions?

    Off to my therapist. She'll probably tell me to stop blogging and go to morning meetings! LOL. Anyway, I hope your weekend goes well. Blessings.

    Oh-and thank you to NYPaganChick! You comment really made me feel good when I was quite down after work.
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