Friday, September 17, 2004


(c) Andy Ternay
  • The MacDonald Observatory in West Texas

  • Well, I have no idea what my actual thyroid level is because I have not had a chance to speak with my primary care physician’s office yet, but I know it is low. They left a message on my home machine—before she even sees me physically she is bumping up my level. I am actually worried now about how low it might be.

    I knew it was low, I have been so wiped out recently. I am just exhausted all of the time—Like right now, I have just woken up and poured my first coffee and I want to die. Just go back to bed. It is an awful feeling.

    A more serious concern is my liver.

    Last May, just before I started blogging, I learned that one of my liver values was off—not by a lot but still a concern. At the end of my drinking the liver values were way, way elevated. After one year of sobriety they fell back to normal.

    Now they are back up, for no apparent reason. My physician wanted to be aggressive so she sent me to a specialist. The specialist was also aggressive, given my history of liver abuse. I had a battery of labwork done followed by a sonogram and a PET scan. All to no avail, stubbornly my liver did not show any abnormality.

    So they did a biopsy. That was actually scary. What was terrible was that I was frightened, but did not really want to share that with my coven. Why? My coven-mate, Jim, had been diagnosed with lung cancer and was facing surgery to remove one of his lungs. Next to that, my little biopsy was nothing. Jim pulled through, we call him Jim One Lung. Jim, Goddess bless and keep him, is doing well. He does have a progressive, fatal, incurable disease, lung cancer, but that does not stop him. He seems to have a good grasp that life is progressive and eventually fatal.

    My biopsy was no big deal next to that.

    They found nothing wrong.

    So, we have no idea why my liver decided to stop work.

    That is what the rest of the blood draw was about, thyroid and liver levels. We’ll find out what is up. I am a little frightened, but it is okay. It is out of my hands.

    Good Morning Goddess Brigit, my name is Andy and I am an alcoholic. I have been kept sober since Imbolc of 2001 by Your grace and Your grace alone. I’d like to take this moment to thank You, my Higher Power, for this my daily reprieve. Today is a good day to be sober.

    Thank You, Goddess, Blessed Be.