Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Big Day Ahead

  • This is a detail from the top part of the handle of one of the flagons found at the Basse Yutz burials in Moselle France. This dates to 4th Century BCE and is considered to be part of the transition period between the Halstatt and La Tene eras of Celtic rule in Western Europe. It is an exceptionally beautiful piece and this animal has been integrated into my tattoo. I owe someone somewhere a photo credit, but now I don't remember who because I downloaded this so long ago.

  • Just in case I thought life was boring, I managed to schedule a vist to my psychiatrist, then I go check out day care centers after which I go with my wife for the big "what gender is the baby?" sonogram, then I meet with my sponsor (we will start Steps Four and Five). If things go as planned, I will then be arrested by the FBI because, as our commander in chief said: you're either with us or the enemy and I ain't with them.

    Enough with the snarkiness. It will be a busy day. I am actually very excited about the sonogram, even if we don't get to see the gender. So we will see what we will see.

    Laura keeps having nightmares that there is something wrong with the baby; that it is stillborn or worse. I think this comes from the fact that as a nurse she worked on OB/GYN floors and she saw every possible complication or problem with a pregnancy there is. Well, except the thing with the Alien eating it's way out, she never saw that. I imagine that it has to be like watching a dozen horror/slasher flicks and then going camping in a mysterious abandoned cabin in the woods and realizing one teen couple has gone off somewhere to have sex and another girl "heard a noise in the woods and went to check it out" by herself. It's just not a good feeling.

    I try to comfort her as best I can. It's hard though to shake some of those negative, scary images. I have had a few moments of "OMG What if..." myself. The "What if" game sucks - you cannot win. It is impossible. So I try to live in the now and be grateful and enjoy life as it is. This would be much easier if I did not have this thing called work which just screws with my ability to enjoy anything.

    I have high hopes for my child. We did not really plan this and I feel like it is kind of a God-Shot that this happened, like it was meant to be. So, as Gandalf said to Frodo in Fellowship of The Ring, "that is a comforting thought." Of course, he said this right before getting into a fight with a Balrog and falling to the center of the Earth, so maybe that is not the place to draw comfort form.

    Mentioning Lord of the Rings reminds me of something I said a while ago about the child. It is as true today as it was then. I said that if ever the world was plunged into darkness and chaos and a small band of heroes was fighting that darkness and chaos - well, I hope my child is the cause of the Darkness and Chaos.